I'm on a mission to overcome negativity. In an effort to speed some of my progress I am trying to reconnect, let go, and overcome some obstacles in some of my best friendships that I have let lie, because I had no idea how to cope or deal with it and I was avoiding dealing with it while my personal life was falling apart. I didn't even know how to escape my toxic marriage let alone repair a broken friendship. I'm working on changing all of that, because it's a positive step. I need as many positive steps as I can manage.
Lately, I've been feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, sad, and so many other negatives.
I'm concentrating lately on turning all that around.
I'm trying to let go of control and go with the flow.
I'm trying to not be so worried, because worrying isn't helping anything.
This is so much easier said than done. Sometimes, I find myself in tears that seem to not end, but after letting myself surrender to the feeling I get moving and pull myself back together. It's amazing how doing some dishes or cleaning up after our 7 puppies can be so cathartic during such a tumultuous period of time.
It's a constant process, but worth the effort.
I had finally started to have a firm handle on my anxiety when all these things out of anyone's control started. It is disappointing to be experience to have made such great strides and be experiencing some set-backs, but these are temporary.
Luckily, I'm coping and trying. I am thankful and grateful that I have faith and have found many inspiring articles to read along with just trying to keep myself moving and still take time to feel what I feel.
None of this is going to keep me down. It's a delicate balance of feeling what I feel and not wallowing it.
Any prayers for my mother's health and for my family would be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Prayers, please.
This Mother's Day was not very celebratory in my house. It was tearful. It was hard. It was heavy. Everything kind of feels heavy.
It's just stressful with everything that is going on and living in tight quarters at the moment to boot. Bless Richard Wagler, my parents' contractor,'s heart, because they are working so hard to get us back into my parents' house. It's coming together nicely and I expect there will be a lot of work about to explode in our personal life on top of all the other stuff.
We have more adults than beds, we have 7 adorable (wonderfully distracting) puppies (3 still need to find forever homes and the re-homing fee is to recoup the amount spent on their healthcare costs), we have a protective order against a person that was once an integral part of our family, we have cancer in our midst, and we are about to move sometime in the next 2 or so weeks.
To say my family is stressed would be quite an understatement. When it rains it pours and in our life right now it is pouring.
Mom had an appointment with the surgeon yesterday and the expectation in my own head was that it was going to be straight forward: schedule the surgery and get on with it. It wasn't what I expected. On Friday mom is having an MRI with contrast dye in order to make sure that the tumor is not in the muscle tissue nearby, because if it is infiltrating the muscle tissue mom will have to have chemo and possibly radiation.
Next week, she's got an appointment with her endocrinologist to decide if radiation would really be a problem for her thyroid or if it should possibly come out. She's going to start the 5 year medicine pretty soon, because of the delay in scheduling the surgery for additional testing and appointments (and so we can move). The surgeon wants mom to know the full extent of every option, survival rates of the options, and be really ready to make the best possible decision.
Facing chemo as a possibility again has gotten me feeling a bit discouraged, because I was really relieved when the oncologist had ruled that out as a possibility (though not entirely). The plan has always been to remove lymph nodes during the mastectomy and test them for malignancies and then determine after the surgery if further treatment would be required.
I've decided to not be relieved again until the surgery is over and we know for sure if she's facing chemo. Chemo will be a whole other experience that is not going to be pleasant, but whatever is necessary to keep her around for many years to come.
If anyone who happens upon this blog post could spare a few moments to raise my mother and our family up in prayer, I would be ever so grateful.
It's just stressful with everything that is going on and living in tight quarters at the moment to boot. Bless Richard Wagler, my parents' contractor,'s heart, because they are working so hard to get us back into my parents' house. It's coming together nicely and I expect there will be a lot of work about to explode in our personal life on top of all the other stuff.
We have more adults than beds, we have 7 adorable (wonderfully distracting) puppies (3 still need to find forever homes and the re-homing fee is to recoup the amount spent on their healthcare costs), we have a protective order against a person that was once an integral part of our family, we have cancer in our midst, and we are about to move sometime in the next 2 or so weeks.
To say my family is stressed would be quite an understatement. When it rains it pours and in our life right now it is pouring.
Mom had an appointment with the surgeon yesterday and the expectation in my own head was that it was going to be straight forward: schedule the surgery and get on with it. It wasn't what I expected. On Friday mom is having an MRI with contrast dye in order to make sure that the tumor is not in the muscle tissue nearby, because if it is infiltrating the muscle tissue mom will have to have chemo and possibly radiation.
Next week, she's got an appointment with her endocrinologist to decide if radiation would really be a problem for her thyroid or if it should possibly come out. She's going to start the 5 year medicine pretty soon, because of the delay in scheduling the surgery for additional testing and appointments (and so we can move). The surgeon wants mom to know the full extent of every option, survival rates of the options, and be really ready to make the best possible decision.
Facing chemo as a possibility again has gotten me feeling a bit discouraged, because I was really relieved when the oncologist had ruled that out as a possibility (though not entirely). The plan has always been to remove lymph nodes during the mastectomy and test them for malignancies and then determine after the surgery if further treatment would be required.
I've decided to not be relieved again until the surgery is over and we know for sure if she's facing chemo. Chemo will be a whole other experience that is not going to be pleasant, but whatever is necessary to keep her around for many years to come.
If anyone who happens upon this blog post could spare a few moments to raise my mother and our family up in prayer, I would be ever so grateful.
Friday, May 9, 2014
In Actuality
Mom knew the course they would take for her treatment, but wanted to discuss it in person. I can't say I blame her at all.
She was given three options, but really only two:
1.) Was a lumpectomy followed by radiation with a daily dose of an anti-hormone medicine for 5 years. This option is actually a non-option, because my mother has Hashimoto's Syndrome which is an autoimmune disease that involves the thyroid. The radiation could have an adverse affect on her thyroid.
2.) Single mastectomy with the the 5 years of medicine.
3.) Double mastectomy with the 5 years of medicine.
She has opted for option 3: double mastectomy with 5 years of medicine. There is no need for chemo therapy and radiation therapy. I'm so relieved she won't be incredibly ill for months on end, but I know this is still a major surgery and she's defo trying to cope with the loss of this piece of her womanhood.
Here's some info about the medicine that she will take for 5 years following her surgery:
http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-hormone-therapy
She felt it was absolutely necessary to determine if they thought this could be genetically driven cancer, but the oncologist assured her this is simply the cancer that often comes with age.
Please keep up any prayers for my family, because she is still undergoing major surgery.
She was given three options, but really only two:
1.) Was a lumpectomy followed by radiation with a daily dose of an anti-hormone medicine for 5 years. This option is actually a non-option, because my mother has Hashimoto's Syndrome which is an autoimmune disease that involves the thyroid. The radiation could have an adverse affect on her thyroid.
2.) Single mastectomy with the the 5 years of medicine.
3.) Double mastectomy with the 5 years of medicine.
She has opted for option 3: double mastectomy with 5 years of medicine. There is no need for chemo therapy and radiation therapy. I'm so relieved she won't be incredibly ill for months on end, but I know this is still a major surgery and she's defo trying to cope with the loss of this piece of her womanhood.
Here's some info about the medicine that she will take for 5 years following her surgery:
http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-cancer-hormone-therapy
She felt it was absolutely necessary to determine if they thought this could be genetically driven cancer, but the oncologist assured her this is simply the cancer that often comes with age.
Please keep up any prayers for my family, because she is still undergoing major surgery.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The Power of Prayer is mighty, life is precious.
It is with a great deal of joy, I am here to say that we learned today that my mother's cancer is in Stage 1!
The treatment plan has not been laid, so that's for another post on another day!
I'm heaving a huge sigh of relief.
It's going to be eradicated easily and with little effort on my mother's part. I have been praying for this outcome since she discovered the lump. Heavens be praised!
Our community here has suffered a loss though, so my heart is heavy with sorrow for the pain of those affected.
We are all reminded that life is precious and fragile. Brad Deetz, a community member/icon, passed away after being involved in a motorcycle accident. My thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends, and loved ones.
Loss is a difficult part of life.
May the Lord's hand of peace be upon them.
The treatment plan has not been laid, so that's for another post on another day!
I'm heaving a huge sigh of relief.
It's going to be eradicated easily and with little effort on my mother's part. I have been praying for this outcome since she discovered the lump. Heavens be praised!
Our community here has suffered a loss though, so my heart is heavy with sorrow for the pain of those affected.
We are all reminded that life is precious and fragile. Brad Deetz, a community member/icon, passed away after being involved in a motorcycle accident. My thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends, and loved ones.
Loss is a difficult part of life.
May the Lord's hand of peace be upon them.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Unexpected discovery sparks new journey
If you don't know me you may be unaware that currently my parents, brother, myself and my 5 year old daughter (+ 7 puppies and 2 dogs) are residing in my small home. My folks are remodeling their home and it is a major overhaul that left them "homeless" while the work is completed. One may say that it is part and parcel to the theme of Change this year.
Once work is complete we'll all be packing up and moving into my childhood home v2.0. They completely gutted the kitchen and bathroom. Added a dinning room, 4th bedroom and a 2nd bathroom. Needless to say, it's going to be a fantastic little place to live for all of us!
It is a mighty blessing to have my family under one roof though currently it's a bit stressful as we do not have enough rooms/ beds for each person to sleep, are not all on the same wake/sleep/work cycle, and only have one bathroom. We're making it work and it's been kind of wonderful.
It was a normal Thursday night. The night before Good Friday. Little Miss had school the next day, because we had such a snowy kind of winter this year. My mom was lounging on the couch when she asked me to look at something. I walked over and eyed the spot she pointed at and I asked her, "how long ago did you take off your bra?" She answered, "I haven't worn one all day today." Immediately, I began worrying. I told her she absolutely must see the Doc tomorrow and prodded her to be steadfast in making an appointment.
The next day, I called to remind my mom in the morning. She needed to get into the doctor right away. Why you might ask? What did I see? Why was I so worried?
My mom had found on her breast a lump that was surrounded by indention/dimpling. I had a friend that was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and the information that I sought after her diagnosis told me that this was a sign of malignancy and not something to take lightly.
On the following Monday mom was given a diagnostic mammogram followed immediately by an ultra sound. They both indicated a need for a biopsy. Thursday that week saw mom having a needle guided by an ultrasound drawing tissue from the lump. Tuesday last week our fears were confirmed: CANCER.
Thursday this week will be Mom's first Oncology appointment. We are praying for it to be isolated though we already know from the results that there are 3 spots that make up the lump. I knew big changes were ahead, but I had not counted this as a possibility. We are trying to remain optimistic as there have been amazing advances in the care and treatment of breast cancer.
Right now, the hardest part is being unsure what we're facing. The only thing I know for sure is they are planning a full scan to see if this is the only place affected and begin to form the best strategy for dealing with this unexpected discovery.
Nothing prepares a family for this kind of journey, but at least we have each other.
Once work is complete we'll all be packing up and moving into my childhood home v2.0. They completely gutted the kitchen and bathroom. Added a dinning room, 4th bedroom and a 2nd bathroom. Needless to say, it's going to be a fantastic little place to live for all of us!
It is a mighty blessing to have my family under one roof though currently it's a bit stressful as we do not have enough rooms/ beds for each person to sleep, are not all on the same wake/sleep/work cycle, and only have one bathroom. We're making it work and it's been kind of wonderful.
It was a normal Thursday night. The night before Good Friday. Little Miss had school the next day, because we had such a snowy kind of winter this year. My mom was lounging on the couch when she asked me to look at something. I walked over and eyed the spot she pointed at and I asked her, "how long ago did you take off your bra?" She answered, "I haven't worn one all day today." Immediately, I began worrying. I told her she absolutely must see the Doc tomorrow and prodded her to be steadfast in making an appointment.
The next day, I called to remind my mom in the morning. She needed to get into the doctor right away. Why you might ask? What did I see? Why was I so worried?
My mom had found on her breast a lump that was surrounded by indention/dimpling. I had a friend that was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and the information that I sought after her diagnosis told me that this was a sign of malignancy and not something to take lightly.
On the following Monday mom was given a diagnostic mammogram followed immediately by an ultra sound. They both indicated a need for a biopsy. Thursday that week saw mom having a needle guided by an ultrasound drawing tissue from the lump. Tuesday last week our fears were confirmed: CANCER.
Thursday this week will be Mom's first Oncology appointment. We are praying for it to be isolated though we already know from the results that there are 3 spots that make up the lump. I knew big changes were ahead, but I had not counted this as a possibility. We are trying to remain optimistic as there have been amazing advances in the care and treatment of breast cancer.
Right now, the hardest part is being unsure what we're facing. The only thing I know for sure is they are planning a full scan to see if this is the only place affected and begin to form the best strategy for dealing with this unexpected discovery.
Nothing prepares a family for this kind of journey, but at least we have each other.
Friday, March 14, 2014
My 30's have begun
I've been in my 30's for a little over a month now. I am entering my 30's on the wave of a lot of changes in my life. There is much to be said for the auspiciousness of this change occurring at this exact moment in my life. I am feeling like the blessings of the universe are falling all around me.
I have weathered a few storms in life but it would seem that the time has come for some smooth sailing and the wind at my back propelling me toward a bright and amazing future.
My birthday brought with it a new decade and a new job!
I like to think of this job as my birthday gift from the universe. I was hired on Feb. 7, 2014, turned 30 on Feb. 9, 2014 and started my first day on Feb. 10, 2014.
I'm an Account Executive with the Original Company. It is a fulfillment of a dream to use the degree that I earned from Indiana State University in Radio/TV/Film. I'm new, but I'm driven, excited, and ready to work! Let me help you and your business with a our multi-platform marketing solutions the Original Company can work for you and your business!
I have weathered a few storms in life but it would seem that the time has come for some smooth sailing and the wind at my back propelling me toward a bright and amazing future.
My birthday brought with it a new decade and a new job!
I like to think of this job as my birthday gift from the universe. I was hired on Feb. 7, 2014, turned 30 on Feb. 9, 2014 and started my first day on Feb. 10, 2014.
I'm an Account Executive with the Original Company. It is a fulfillment of a dream to use the degree that I earned from Indiana State University in Radio/TV/Film. I'm new, but I'm driven, excited, and ready to work! Let me help you and your business with a our multi-platform marketing solutions the Original Company can work for you and your business!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)